


ninety-five.

by ultsmrk



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Rockstar AU, trigger warning for drug abuse, trigger warning for substance abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24725494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultsmrk/pseuds/ultsmrk
Summary: One day, Yuta becomes a rockstar.
Kudos: 9





	ninety-five.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, hasn't it been a while!
> 
> I haven't written in so long, I hope I haven't lost my edge ;-; this au has been a LONG time coming; in all my years of being into rock music, I've never once written an au where someone's a rockstar. Well, when Yuta revealed recently that he'd been listening to a lot of hard rock, my emo-phase self went CRAZY! 
> 
> Here she is, that long-awaited AU! In case it wasn't clear in the tags, there is mentions of drug/substance abuse! So, if you're uncomfortable with that, please don't pressure yourself to read it!
> 
> Other than that, enjoy! All comments appreciated too, come talk to me! <3
> 
> \-- Dee

For four years, all Yuta Nakamoto knew how to do was be an idol. He would look pretty, dance around on stage and sing for a large number of adoring fans. He enjoyed the job; he had friends among his group members and a large fanbase to fall back on. He had relative success.

But, after a little while, he began to notice certain problems. Like, the fact he was the only Japanese member within the group; the only Japanese idol within the whole company. He was also getting paid slightly less than the rest of the members with each comeback that passed, as well as less screentime and lines. The main kicker, however, came from solo activities.

Yuta had expressed a desire within the company to do a solo project like his peers before him. He had a concept in mind, and all he needed was the go-ahead. You see, for a few weeks now, Yuta had been teaching himself to play bass guitar, and expressed his excitement about idols he looked up to in the rock genre, specifically on the more heavier side of the spectrum. Japanese artists like One OK Rock and HYDE, but also Western acts like Asking Alexandria and Crown The Empire, to name a few artists on Yuta’s Instagram following list. He wanted to play like them, and show the fans a newer side of him that they didn’t get to see beyond what is displayed on his Instagram feed.

But, the company denied him that project. They claimed it wasn’t his style, that it would ruin the image the company had spent so long to craft. Yuta watched as another solo activity was passed onto his peers. Now, Yuta wasn’t mad at this member -- he was happy for them, they deserved this opportunity. But that wasn’t to say that Yuta wasn’t hurt by it, after sitting idly by for so many months now.

Yuta’s long hidden qualms with the company came to a head one fateful night. After another successful comeback with NCT 127, the group and their managers went out drinking together to celebrate. Among the drunken congratulations and rowdy atmosphere, Yuta stayed quiet, stewing over his soju. His feelings soon became the topic of conversation, when a drunken Johnny nudges Yuta’s arm, spilling his drink slightly in the process.

“Woah, I’m sorry, Yuta!” Johnny hummed drunkenly, throwing an arm around the younger’s shoulder, swaying with him side-to-side as the younger grumbled. 

“Come on!” The older mused, yelling in the younger’s ear. “Lighten up a little! It’s a celebration!”

“NCT 127 million sellers!” Johnny yelled out to his members, who all cheered in unison. Yuta rolls his eyes, shrugging out of Johnny’s embrace. Johnny frowns at this, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You okay, Yuta?”

Normally, Yuta would be quiet. He would put on a smile, maybe throw in a laugh and say he was fine. But, this night was a little different. He had held these feelings in for such a long time, they were bursting at his seams, ready to pour out.

“No.” Yuta said, rising to his feet. As he stood, he raised his voice, shouting over the group: “I’m not okay. Not at all.”

The table went quiet, all eyes going to Yuta as he vents out his feelings. He doesn’t regret his feelings from that night, yet he does regret some of the words used, specifically towards the friends he so bitterly pointed fingers at for quote ‘taking the opportunity from me’. He laid into the people at that table, letting every feeling pour out in a cascade of emotion. He then hits them with his chilling closer.

“I’m done.” He said, letting out a chuckle of disbelief. “I’m done. I’m out. I don’t want to do this shit anymore. I wanna be free, I wanna be me. And I can’t do that whilst I’m confined to this company like a fucking prisoner.”

With those last words, Yuta finished his drink. He put his empty glass on the table, grabbed his coat, and walked out of the bar without another word. The table was quiet for a few minutes, before they continued in their drunken stupor, thinking that Yuta had just said the best joke ever.

But, Yuta had meant every word. And, as sobriety set in the next morning, Yuta got to work in getting out of his contract. The company wasn’t letting him go, claiming that without them, they’d lose crucial members of their audience (see: there goes their Japanese market, there goes their money that Yuta hadn’t seen.) but Yuta was persistent, and slightly threatening. But, it worked -- Yuta was given thirty minutes to pack his things and get out. He was no longer in NCT, and no longer under SM Entertainment.

Yuta didn’t dally in getting his stuff together. Thankfully, he had enough money to transfer from his soon-deactivated company card to rent an apartment nearby, and live for a couple of months before needing to look for some kind of work. This would be his stepping stone towards a new label, a new career of music that he’d been dreaming of for a long time now.

Word spread amongst the members that Yuta was out. The first to come to him; question his actions, was Johnny. Yuta was as straight as he was the night before; he wasn’t happy within the company, he needed a fresh start, so he quit. Johnny asked if they’d still be friends and hang out, to which Yuta reassured that if they needed him, he wouldn’t be far away. Yuta would say this to the rest of his ex-members, before he left the dorm for the last time.

SM made quick work of scrubbing Yuta’s existence from their label. It wasn’t a very hard job to do; a little photoshopping here, a little deleting there. It soon seemed that the name Yuta Nakamoto wasn’t known within the company. His fans only began to notice when Yuta’s personal instagram, which he spent so long building and curating to his personal taste, was deleted. The fans flooded social networks; the hashtag ‘Where Is Yuta’ trended on Twitter for a whole two days. 

Not even the sasaeng fans could pinpoint him, it was almost as if he never existed.

Yuta set himself up in his new place. It was small, but perfect enough for him. He spent a little while getting unpacked, heading to the nearby supermarket to stock up on food and essentials. He told himself he’d give himself the rest of the day to begin his new life before he began planning his next steps.

Another thing he did that day was create new social media accounts. He kept them as generic as possible, privating the accounts so that nobody could find him. With these accounts, he scoured the web, watching the chaos that came with his departure. Fans all around the world questioned where he was, worried for his safety. Many drafted emails in various languages to send to the company, demanding a statement from them. Not a word was being said from anyone within the company, and Yuta could feel the fans' anger. He wished at that moment that he said something, but he wasn’t quite ready yet.

The day passed, and Yuta began step two of his plan. To form a successful band, he needed band members. And, not knowing anybody else, all Yuta could do was call on his ex-members. Communications were made, and he was soon meeting his closest friends at a nearby cafe. However, he wasn’t there to talk to all of them, mainly to proposition a few.

He propositioned three people that day. Johnny Seo, who had recently shown a talent for playing the drums. Lee Taeyong, who with a little training could be moulded into the perfect rock singer. And, Mark Lee: NCT’s best guitarist. All three of them accepted the offer, despite Yuta’s warnings that this would have dire consequences. Yuta had watched them build up their careers for so long, and whilst he needed people backing him, he didn’t want people just blindly throwing away their careers for him.

And so, with some more phone calls, Taeyong, Johnny and Mark were scrubbed from the roster. SM were starting to get wary now, rushing to debut new members from their Rookies stages to fill in the empty space. The three new members of Yuta’s band moved closer to him -- Yuta wished they could live together at this time, yet he had no space in his apartment to comfortably hold four people. But he promised, once things started rolling, they’d all be living together again.

Over the next couple of weeks, things slowly set into motion. Yuta started training Taeyong, unlocking things that Taeyong didn’t think his voice could do. Taeyong wasn’t too keen on the whole ‘growl-singing’ that many of Yuta’s favourite artists could do, but he could sing like them. Yuta assured Taeyong that he’d do the more heavy stuff.

They also came up with a band name. Ninety-Five; Yuta had this name in mind due to him being born in that year, and even though Mark wasn’t born in that year, he still warmed up to the idea of the name. With a name to their music, all that was left to do was to prepare some music. 

Like all great bands, they recorded covers of their favourite songs. Compiling them onto a tape, Yuta set that demo tape out to every label he could think of, hoping one of them would bite. And, after a few days, one did.

Yuta was woken up one early morning by a phone call. Grumbling, Yuta grabs his phone and answers it quickly, not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Yuta! You remember me, don’t you?” The voice on the end of the phone, who sounded way too chipper on such an early morning, rang through the line. After a brief pause, the voice continued. “Dan White? CEO of Capitol Records?”

“Oh?” Yuta sat up then, swinging his legs over the bed as he listens to what the man had to say.

“I heard you’re out on your own now with a few of your buddies from that K-Pop group of yours? SM won’t tell us the grizzly details, but that must suck man. Anyways, we got your tape!”

“Our tape?” Yuta asked.

“Of your band! Ninety-Five!”

“Oh!” Yuta said, remembering he had sent it out that way. “Well, what did you think..?”

“Well, bands as heavy as you guys aren’t usually what we go for,” the man began, and Yuta felt the smile fade from his face. “But, some of us here at the label had our favourites -- or, biases -- within that old group of yours. Those favourites happened to be you guys. So, how would you like to be the first heavy band under Capitol Records?”

“Holy shi- uhm!” The man on the other end chuckled, reassuring him that it was fine to curse. “Thank you! I’d have to talk to my other members of course, but I’m sure they’d be happy to join!”

“Great! Shall I draw up some paperwork then?” The man asked. “Oh! I almost forgot, there is one tiny thing we want from you..”

As Yuta heard the terms, it was quite a shock to him. Even more so to the rest of his members. He still remembers Taeyong’s face as he told them the request.

“Move to LA?”

“Yeah.” Yuta said. “I mean, their headquarters are in LA after all.”

“I don’t know..” Taeyong worried. “I mean, Yuta, think about it! We can barely speak enough English as it is, but to move over there to where they speak it all the time?”

“Taeyong, do you forget we have two English speakers in our group?” Yuta sighed. “Plus, we can learn! Nobody’s expecting us to sound like Shakespeare overnight!”

Yet Taeyong still worried. “All my family’s here.. our friends, our older members..”

“I know that.” Yuta sighed, sitting next to Taeyong and putting a hand on his shoulder. “But, this is our chance! We’ve got a good thing going for us here.. going for me. You’re my best friend. You’ll do this for me, right?”

Taeyong hesitated, mulling over the answer. Taeyong was always known to worry, especially when it came to Yuta. Taeyong had done everything he could as a leader to make Yuta settled in the old group, even talking to him exclusively in Japanese when they hung out together, to make him more comfortable. 

Lowering his head, Taeyong gave his final answer.

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

And so, Ninety-Five went over to the US market. It was an easy process to sign the contract, and soon the boys were put up in a nice company-paid apartment, with access to a home studio. They were given full access to Capitol Records; a team of dedicated managers that weren’t as harsh as SM’s crew, stylists that actually took their words into consideration rather than promising empty promises, the whole works.

At their first official meeting after signing the contract, Yuta made his first proposition: release a statement telling his fans what actually happened. Capitol shared some uneasy glances, considering their relationship with SM, but Yuta was very persuasive. So, he got his wish.

Making public accounts, Yuta sent the word out about what really happened. And Capitol backed it up with an official statement, reaffirming Yuta’s promise that big things were coming. And with that, his fans came running. Yuta, Taeyong, Mark and Johnny were trending on Twitter for days, and even though SM demanded they take the statements down, Capitol refused, asking how they could treat their artists like that, and that they’d take good care of these mislaid boys.

After a couple of work-filled months, Ninety-Five’s debut album was released. It topped the Itunes charts and Spotify charts for days, and everyone loved the new album. Fans said they’d never heard this side of Yuta before, but they loved it and were happy that he was finally living his dream without restraint. This message resonated even more with the band’s showcase, where you could see Yuta’s smile from the back row. The energy he had on stage, as he strummed his heart out and screamed his lungs to bursting with every song that played. The ink and metal that littered their bodies, something SM would never dream of allowing. It was unexpected of the once reserved idols, but it was to be known from that night that Ninety-Five weren’t going anywhere; Yuta was where he belonged now.

And, there was another side of Yuta soon to rear its head. See, with the lifestyle that came with a rockstar, Yuta and the group dove headfirst into it. But it was Yuta that indulged the most. He drank a lot more, and slept with countless women (and men) that gave him the offer. It was known that before most shows, many of the backstage crew would stumble across Yuta bending someone over the many crates of equipment backstage. Nobody had even seen Yuta become that unhinged before. It was rather terrifying, in fact.

But it all would soon get a lot more intense when Yuta got into drugs. Sure, the other members would follow him, but none of them would go as deep as Yuta would. Yuta took so many different drugs that they all soon felt the same to him; each one giving him that same high. Yuta started to become a different person, and people were starting to get fed up.

At first, Yuta would be energetic with each new kick he got, bouncing around the stage like the Energizer Bunny. The next moment, he would be completely spaced-out, unwilling to do anything other than take another hit. And, finally, Yuta became an utter ass, arguing with anyone and everyone he met, including his own members and crew.

People were starting to give up on him, and he was starting to ruin the band’s reputation. The fans he had before were starting to leave him, questioning where he had gone, and hoping one day he’ll see the light. His members too, were planning to leave. Johnny was the one to throw out the ultimatum: all of them get clean, come back and start fresh again.

And that’s what they all did -- Johnny, Taeyong and Mark got clean, Johnny even settling down and getting married. But Yuta, even though he tried, he couldn’t do it. He only got worse. It only took him two weeks of being clean for him to come crashing down faster and farther than before, and it seemed that he wasn’t going to come back from it. Even at Johnny’s own wedding, the happiest day of his friend’s life, Yuta was off his head. Taeyong had to hold him up to stop Yuta from crashing to the floor, or ruining the beautiful outdoor venue with his drunken, drugged up ways. It was an upsetting sight, one that he looks back on with disgust. 

From that day, Johnny Seo had lost all faith in his friend Yuta. He still remembers the way Johnny laid into him, chastising him and calling him all kinds of names. Yuta had insulted Johnny, had insulted his new partner and their families, he had insulted every single guest in that room in record time, in a single evening. Johnny was in tears, angry and long disappointed at the way things had transpired, and he soon delivered the same words Yuta had once said: Johnny was out.

Mark was the next to leave. Not long after Johnny’s wedding, Mark had his birthday party. He was turning 21, a real big age, and invited everyone he could. Yuta showed up off his face to that event too, completely trashing the venue and finishing the night with throwing up in the pool. Mark, who was never one to lose his head, tried to keep his cool that night -- Yuta was an addict, and needed desperate help -- but he was at the end of his tether. After a few choice words, Mark was gone.

Last was Taeyong, who stayed on for as long as he could. The band had long broken up at this point, having only ever made one album but had played oh-so-many shows, each one more chaotic than the last. All their riches were fading fast. Capitol had dropped them long ago, so now the two of them were living out of a cheap apartment that now was just another one of Yuta’s crackhouses. After desperate pleas to get help fell on deaf ears, Taeyong, who had never once said no to his best friend, finally put his foot down.

Taeyong last saw Yuta on his birthday, when he packed up his stuff to leave for good. Yuta wouldn’t even talk to him, what with being off his face once again. In Yuta’s eyes, he hadn’t done any wrong. He was just living the life they were handed, after all. Yuta tried to make Taeyong see his side, but Taeyong had given up completely.

“I can’t anymore.” Taeyong said, not even looking at Yuta as he stood before him, bags in hands. “Yuta, I can’t stand seeing you like this. Is this what you wanted, to push away your friends? All for what, so you could play rockstar and fuck up the one opportunity you craved for?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Yuta grumbled, rubbing his temple. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know that you need help.” Taeyong said, his voice cracking as he sighed in defeat. “We’ve tried to help you so many times, but you won’t take it. I want to stay, I want to help you, but you’ve drained me. So, I’m gone. I pray that you get the help you need, and we can rebuild these bridges, but I can’t be friends with this Yuta. This isn’t the Yuta I know.”

Taeyong left without another word, but Yuta was sure to yell at him some more as he went:

“You’re just gonna abandon me on my birthday? Some fucking friend you are. God, you idols are all the same. Pussies!”

Yuta drowned his sorrows in drink and drugs. All it took was one hit too big for Yuta to fully indulge.

Yuta’s birthday was the last time anybody saw him alive. It took two weeks to find his rotting corpse, when his upstairs neighbours complained about a smell. Nobody was surprised, they knew it was coming. And, after they laid his body in the ground, everyone moved on with their lives. Johnny stayed in America with his new family; his spouse and two kids. Taeyong and Mark moved back to Korea, where, with a little persuasion, SM took them back. It took them a few years of retraining for them to debut again, but once they did, they never left again.

And that, dear readers, is how the life of Yuta Nakamoto -- once a famed idol in a successful K-Pop powerhouse, to a successful rockstar who took things way too far -- came to an end, all in the span of a year.


End file.
